My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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