i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
