Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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