he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize