when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
