ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
