Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
