i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
