If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize