it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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