also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
