It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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