a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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