On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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