Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
