The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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