she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
