Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
