I met the friendliest cop last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
