The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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