my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
