I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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