with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
