Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
