I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
