Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
