guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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