Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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