You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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