you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
