Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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