then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
