I am puke
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
