Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
