just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
