Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
