The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
