so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
