You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize