So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was born a porn star she said
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
