i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
