I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
