i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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