so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
