Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
