She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
