I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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