She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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