i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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