What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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