He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
