R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
