You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
