did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
