My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
