I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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