Swine flu. Run for my life!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
