tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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