this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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