i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
