the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
