Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
