You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
