just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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