so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
