Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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