you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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