im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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